The Third Degree - actionisforlosers

[Beardy]

On how many occassions have you impersonated Kate Bush's timeless classic "Wuthering Heights" ?

Too many to count.

What were the last 3 countries you visited and why ?

Don't go abroad much. A bunch of East African countries for fun, France for booze and France again for booze.

Can you write a haiku about the Edict of Nantes ?

Freedom of Conscience
Protestants and Catholics
Living together

When you're in the clubs, pulling the honies, what is your signature move ?

Abject resignation.

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1. What do you think of homosexuality?

Seems like a lot of fun from what I hear.

What is the worst job you've had?

Call centre for a debt collection agency. I quit on day two.

If you were offered a illegal job, would you accept?

Depends what the job is.

Are you allergic to anything?

I get a bit hay-feverish sometimes.

What three words comes to your mind beginning with the letter "S"?

They're all rude.

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Why are you so awesome?

Why does the wind blow? It's just nature, my friend.

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Do you really have a beard, or do you lie to us all?

By this point, my beard has me. Seriously, my adjustable trimmer is broken, my face is a mess.

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If a meteor was rushing towards earth, and you were the only one who could stop it, how would you stop it?

Erm... by crying?

What is your earliest memory?

Being in a pushchair and refusing to let my mum put the plastic cover over it even though it was raining.

Were you a brat as a child?

I'm the youngest of three brothers. As such I was perfectly behaved until every now and then when I'd go apeshit.

Did you have a beard as a child?

I probably had one in the womb, I can't really remember.

Why does grass grow?

What else is there for grass to do?

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Have you ever jumped from a moving vehicle?

Yes, but only a very slow-moving one.

Do you smoke?

Lots.

Have you ever kicked a cat?

Yeah, but only accidentally.

When's the last time you got your ass kicked in real life?

I think it was around 2007 or so, I can't be sure.

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Do you enjoy sleep?

Very much.

Have you ever touched a bird?

Yes.