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NESS COMMITTED SUICIDE
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NESS COMMITTED SUICIDE
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Berry Offline
The Senior Starman
****

Posts: 430
Joined: Jun 2012
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Post: #1
NESS COMMITTED SUICIDE
Yes,i finally made the creepypasta.To tell you the truth.I think i exaggerated on most part but you decide if it's terrible or not.I find it terrible.It is my first creepypasta.Here you go

The Original Version(the lame one)

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SERIOUSLY THOUGH behind the Edit Version


SERIOUSLY THOUGH Wrote:Here's the first part of the correction. Your English is really good, the main issue you have is that you make a lot of phonetic mistake - 'fallen out' rather than 'falling out'. I say read more English, rather than just watching videos or playing games, then you'll get the spelling rather than just the phonetic word. Then just some things about you using the indicative rather than the past tense, but other than that, you're English is pretty awesome Cool

(09-09-2012 07:47 AM)SERIOUSLY THOUGH Wrote:  Here's the edited roster part first of all



And here's part 2. All done and dusted Wink



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The Perfect Version
(The better,longer,improved version that include the extra scene of the unexplained Brawl's Death)

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Here is the Credits

(This post was last modified: 09-10-2012 05:58 AM by Berry.)
09-07-2012 09:50 AM
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 Thanks given by: BumblebeeCody
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Messages In This Thread
NESS COMMITTED SUICIDE - Berry - 09-07-2012 09:50 AM
RE: NESS COMMITTED SUICIDE - BumblebeeCody - 09-07-2012, 10:07 AM
RE: NESS COMMITTED SUICIDE - Stan - 09-07-2012, 06:35 PM
RE: NESS COMMITTED SUICIDE - Berry - 09-08-2012, 05:00 AM
RE: NESS COMMITTED SUICIDE - Berry - 09-08-2012, 08:20 AM
RE: NESS COMMITTED SUICIDE - Berry - 09-08-2012, 09:52 PM
RE: NESS COMMITTED SUICIDE - Symphony - 09-09-2012, 07:49 PM

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